Random

Work this week is not too bad even though my to-do list keeps adding and never seemed to be strike off. After few catch up with friends and reading some posts on Facebook, few thoughts running on my mind this week.

1) you may need to sacrifice your personal dream for your child because your child only grows in one direction ie once you miss one of their milestone,you will miss that forever. No turning back, just one way! You may still catch up with your dream when you have more flexibility later. Key words to note - 'may', 'sacrifice', 'forever','catch up' and 'flexibility'

2) treasure what you have now as it may be taken away tomorrow.

3) Learn to empathise, especially if someone is far away from their family.

4) Before you mistreat someone, take 2 seconds to ask yourself, would you like to be treated the same way? $$ or status or nationality do not give you any privilege to mis treat anyone.

5) Always have enough sleep so you can be productive the next day.

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Full time auditor,part time mom

It is more than 6 months now since I returned to work force. How does it feel and what is the different? So different and so challenging.

I have been so busy since mid July and haven't had much time to do anything for myself. I am a full time auditor and a part time mom! Work is demanding a lot because of change in scope and my job functions. At home it is also different now as I need to contribute my part to the household as a wife and a mother of a 15 months old kid. I must say there are times when I miss just staying home just like during my maternity leave days. I know for the last 2-3 months I have put too much focus in work and 'neglected' and leave all house chores to Anthony. I am really glad that he is quite domesticalise- able to cook,clean and take care of Andrew. Thanks Dear 

Work has been crazy and it make me begin to think whether do i really enjoy what i am doing and do i still really like audit??? Or more importantly am I still fit to do audit. This doubt has been running in my mind and this is driving me crazy because I am always clear of what I want. I also begin to think of the 'what if' scenarios (which i seldom do because i viewed that 'what if' often creates self frustration).If Anthony and I never move to Aussie land,would our life be different?would we get less/more than what we have now? I don't know what else to write so I am going to leave this open till I find an answer in my next entry.

Bottomline, I am tired and having self conflict/doubt. Need to find some lights at the end of the tunnel...

Mommy is back in Action

It has been one month since I returned to work. Going back to work after a long 8 months break is not easy and it is also not easy returning to work as a working mom. I must admit that I do miss the days when I am a full time mom even though I was very eager to return back to the work force. Actually, I still do want to be in the work force as long as I can because I want to be a successful mom who has a career of my own. I personally think that it is very “healthy” to have a career so you could continue growing your skill and be part of the fast moving world. I know one full time mom here and I notice that her thought process is slightly different from the way she communicates. I know being a full time mom has its advantage because you can literally grow and be with your kid at every single minute before they ‘leave’ the house in the future and you can save up on childcare fee too. There are also disadvantages of course for eg if the parents are too protective against the child, the child will take slightly longer to ‘grow’ from the social point of view. The list can go on and on... Anyway, at the moment, I think the advantages of being in the work force and being a part-time mom outweigh the disadvantages. Having said that, I do enjoy staying home, being a full time mom during my maternity leave. If you are in a society/country which allows long maternity leaves, take as long as you can (of course depending on your financial status as well) because you really need the rest and it is also important to stay 24x7 with your newborn in their first few months of their life. I was really glad I stayed home with Andrew 24x7 in his first 8 months. Seeing him grow day by day - from the very beginning when you see him in the tummy from the ultrasound test (size of a rice!), the first time you feel the kick in the tummy, the first time you hear his/her cry, the first time you held him/her, the first time he pee or poo on you....(the list go on and on and on) is a wonderful experience for the mom (certain things are exclusively for the mom only, the dad will never get it. Sorry dad!).


Certainly as a working mom now, I need to change my working approach especially on the time management. It is even more challenging when both Anthony and I have no support to rely upon in Aussie land. There are only 3 of us here (of course we have friends here but, you know, certain things we just got to sort it out ourselves). I was never an early person since young (and still not now), so it is very difficult to start my day early so I could leave work earlier to pick Andrew up from childcare. Both Anthony and I take turn to do the drop in and/or pick up because it will be too stressful to do the drop in and pick up all by yourself the whole week. I wake up early by 6am most days (I know to some of you 6am is not early but to me it is definitely early) to get myself ready and organise Andrew’s stuff for childcare. We initially wake Andrew up earlier so we could dress him up with fresh clothes for childcare and change his nappy but after a couple of weeks, we decided to let him sleep a bit longer (being a late sleeper like his mom and dad, he has trouble waking up in the morning). We will just pick him up from bed and go straight to childcare. Yes, he will just go with his existing pyjamas and wet nappy. The carer will check his nappy when arrive so I thought, why not just go with the wet nappy and let the carer change him. That way, Andrew can sleep slightly longer and we don’t have to spend time changing him – win win situation ;). We will need to send him between 7-7.30am so that we can be at the train station before 8am to secure a parking spot. Andrew is quite good and comfortable with the childcare centre and so far he has not thrown any tantrum and refusing to let us go. I find dropping him off at the childcare is not so much of an issue and I am quite ok if I need to do it every day because that routine can discipline me to wake up early and be at work early. It feels good to be at work early (provided I get enough sleep the night before ;)). I find the picking up routine is more difficult task as the childcare centre closes at 630pm, so that means, we will need to leave work slightly earlier so we don’t miss the time. In Aussie land, if you are late (ie after 630pm) to pick your child, there will be a fine charged per minute basis. I think our childcare centre charges $2 per minute. I am still not very busy at the moment, hence, I am able to leave my office latest by 5.15pm to catch the train and be back at to our suburb slightly past 6pm so I could comfortably drive to the centre without any rush. After picking Andrew up and once arrived home, Anthony and I will need to share the tasks between cooking dinner, bathing Andrew and cleaning the dishes. If one has things to do in the evening and be home late, the other person will need to do all by her/himself. By the time we all finish bathing, have dinner then clean dishes and put Andrew to sleep it will be already 9ish or 10ish pm. That is the time where both Anthony and I can really have a rest and relax (and also ME) time to rewind after a long day. All the tv series/dramas (Brothers and Sisters, Parenthood, Packed to Rafter, Greys Anatomy and Desperate Housewives) that I’ve been following during my maternity leaves would have been finished by then, sigh! Thank god, we now have Internet and I can catch up with these series either on a late week night or weekend.

As young parents, Anthony and I are still learning to cope with the busy routine on weekday. I respect those working parents who have FEW young kids of similar age. I wonder how they cope esp parents who have demanding job requirements. But I do know that some family choose to have one parent work and one stay home to take care of kids because the childcare fee can be quite expensive. Mostly, the mom chooses to stay home because mom is always regarded as more domestic than the dad and dad is always regarded as breadwinner for the family! I know some of you would disagree with this statement, so am I! So, let’s not argue about this. I think both mom and dad need to work together and share all household responsibilities together to make things work. In one of the Parenthood episode (I really enjoy watching this tv drama, I recommend all parents watch it), one of the cast termed parenthood as a Partnership (like corporate). Both ‘partners’ must work together and support each other in educating and disciplining the kids. Neither the mom nor the dad should aim to be the ‘Mr or Mrs nice guy’ in any situation. In that episode, Jabbar (a 5 yo kid), son of Crosby and Jasmine, refused to clean his room and Jasmine is not happy with that. Crosby who wanted to be the Mr Nice Guy to his son (all the time) first tried to persuade Jabbar to clean his room but ended up cleaning Jabbar’s room by himself! Jasmine got very upset when she found out and that’s where she mentioned about the concept of Partnership.

Couple of days ago we saw a tv documentary of a couple who had sextuplets (6 babies – yes, you read it correctly). When the documentary was filmed, the babies were 15 months, at this age the babies can eat solid by their own and they are all mobile (can walk and run and look cute!). Anthony and I can appreciate every single part of the documentary because we are going through the same thing – ooppss, one major thing different though, we only have ONE child and they have SIX! The couple has this 6 seater high chair which can fit all 6 babies at the same time- It is quite cool looking, I bet it is custom made. Their pram is a 6 seater pram and the couple drive a van so they could fit 6 baby car seats in the vehicle. The babies’ room looks more like the baby room in Andrew’s child care centre because it has 6 cots, hahahaha. The dad commented that it was “easier” to manage when the babies are non-mobile and the mom said that it was difficult to have dinner plans at restaurant because not many restaurants in their local area has 6 high chairs available. I know and have seen mothers with twins. It is always nice to see twin babies but there is a lot of hard work behind the scene. Taking care of one baby is already challenging, I cannot imagine having twins or sextuplets! The couple we saw on the tv was an Angmo couple, and they too do not have much support from family members. (From my understanding, it is not in Angmo culture to have the grandparents to look after their kids). Can you imagine, if this happened to a Malaysian couple, we probably ended up seeing grandparents taking care of their kids or at least 2 Indons maids taking care of the babies, LOL.

I love the photo below. Andrew is now 9.5 months (time flies!). I just love his smile and his cheekiness. These are the two men in my life - a big man and a little man. I have this picture on my work desk to remind me of them :-)

An emotional me

After having Andrew,I found myself became more emotional than I used to be,especially matters involving children. My perceptions on parents especially mothers has changed after giving birth, in a good way, of course! I became emotionally attached to issues involving parenthood and children. I see parents differently now and I always associate a person's well-being with their parents'.

When I watched small kids as young as 8 years old qualify for the Australian Junior Masterchef on tv, I felt so proud for their parents. I can see the parents' joy through their eyes when they see their child qualify for the next level. Tears can drop! Throughout my life time so far, I would like to think that there were few occasions where I made my parents proud of me. When there was prize giving ceremony in school, I don't remember my parents attended any because my parents were too busy with their coffee shop business during my school days, they are Chinese educated and has little interest in things happening in non Chinese medium school (due to communication breakdown), It also did not help much when I choose not to tell them many things in schools unless is really necessary. Well, Kajang is a small town, I am sure if I behave badly, some teacher will "report" to my parents when they come to my parent's coffee shop. Anyhow, I am quite confident that I did make my parents proud every time I walk up to the stage to receive a prize even if they did not attend the ceremony ;-).

On the other hand, every time I see a child behave badly in the public, I also think of their parents. I will feel sorry for the parents as I think the parents will be super upset if they know how their kids behave! But, then again I sometimes do blame the parents if they are the one that don't show good examples to their kids or just don't do their responsibilities as a parents. Simple thing like smoking, I don't get it why parents will smoke in front of their kids. Cigarettes are not good for anyone, especially small kids and babies. I also don't get it why smokers still continue smoking when there are plenty of information about how smoking can harm you! Anthony is a casual smoker, I will nag him every time he touches the cigarette. I blame him for touching the cigarette, I also blame his father and his friends for introducing cigarette to him! I really hope he can quit one day! Fingers crossed!

Also, nowadays, whenever I see someone being treated badly/ treating people badly, I always think about who are their parents. And what would their parents do if they know that their child is being badly treated or treating people badly. Surely, they will feel the pain when they know their child is suffering the pain and they will feel ashamed if they know that their child is hurting someone! Now I understand why some parents can sometimes go beyond their rational mind to protect their beloved child.

All in all, motherhood has make me more emotional and taught me to behave well because we are like our parents and our children will be like us!